What am I good at?

For when I'm at lost, I return to this comfort zone.

I've thought a lot about revamping this pit hole but I just couldn't seem to make out what I wanna write about, as in, should I make it into a food blog? But I don't eat new food every week. I don't shop or travel either so I won't have the raw materials for my blog.

Makes me wonder, what am I actually good at? This self-discovery road hasn't been easy. I've likened myself to being jack of all trades, master of none. I know a little of journalism, a little of linguistics, a little of editing but am I so damn good in all of them? No.

I have a love-hate relationship with journalism. I can't fit into the rigid style of writing, nor I can stick to a specific topic for so long before I confuse my readers and lead them into the Triwizard maze.

On the other hand, I love linguistics; how every aspect of language can be studied under microscopic lenses or how human brains process language. However, I have love for it, doesn't mean I've come to study every nook and cranny of it. Though, psycholinguistics has been a favourite of mine.

As for editing, I don't love or hate it. If I have to pick a word, I like it. This is something I can say I'm good at it albeit being on a novice level, but somehow past experiences have shaped me to have this mind of an editor, which includes the grammar nazi in me. Now, advancing into grad school in this field, I've learned the technicalities and somehow they come natural to me. (Not the research part, of course.) I would say I've struck a balance between something I like and something I am or I will be good at and somehow, this is quite enough for me to love what I do now and in the future.

For someone who has a low self-esteem or someone rarely to give credits to herself, I've never heard myself say I am bloody darn good in something. It's just not me because I believe there will always be someone better than I do in what I claim to be best at. So, technically for me, there's no best of me. Sounds a little sad?  A little.

But from time to time, I try to give myself a pat on the back to how far I've reached but also a little motivation to keep myself going. It really is tough, but when the going gets tough, the tough gets going. I'm trying my level best to be tough every day. I struggle with research, the academic aspect of grad school. It was all fun and teary with organizing a seminar and learning editing symbols, it's not that fun cooping yourself up in the room feeling guilty all the time but have no progress in your research. Every single day is a struggle but I manage to get off the bed, at the very least. Also, to the people who know and don't know my struggle but always seem to still think highly of me and love me, thank you all. I'm still fighting.

Alright, alright, I'll save some gratitudinal speech for when I graduate. I will graduate this time next year, I will, I have to. There's just too much at stake, we'll talk about that some time later.

Enough ranting for today, lots of love